insomnia

I was wondering...why every night when I feel sleepy but I just doesn't want go to bed...I just like the atmosphere when midnight...midnight its all about cold, silent, dark and loneliness...didn't I crazy? when I was lonely by myself...I just can concertate to do something without any disturb...

when I look at all the notes at my bedside...I am thinking...why I make myself so suffering? Did I lost my mind? or all is just about a punishment for me? or think it positively...will the black&white helps in my future? I just non-stop thinking about all of that...

when time ups...I ready to sleep...my mind just non-stop think and think and think...why why why...I think for me pass and my future...

I remember back those days when I was in secondary school...when I was the short skinny teenager...think back about some happy moments when camping...and the lost of a friend that I couldn't forget it for my life...and then I thinking that why I not going to continue my studies after the SPM? or why I just not going to find a job to pass my extra time?

and then I think that after i graduate...I found a job and I earn my money...build my own family...buy something that I couldn't buy right now...think and think and think...is all my fantasy...and then I end ups with insomnia for 3 hours...

I just think everthing was just that simple but when it come to real life...I AM SO SUFFER!!!